Get Help

... And your escape plan. A Domestic Violence Advocate or Shelter can help you create a safe escape plan and teach you how to best prepare yourself and your children.

Your village will help with the process. I strongly encourage you to explore ALL the above links to create your plan, take notes, and create a list you can hide preferably on your phone/in a file you can access online so you always have access to it. This section references the links above.

1. Find a local advocate and domestic violence shelter in case you need a safe place to go to quickly. An advocate can go to court with you and help you through the court processes associated with dv.
2. GET AN ATTORNEY! You do NOT want to go through this without a lawyer. There are too many motions and paperwork that needs filed within specific time limits in different courts when getting safe from an abusive situation. An attorney will stay on top of this to make sure it's done properly to maximize the protection you get through the system and can help minimize the victim blaming that the system often reflects. As a victim of violence, your State will provide you with legal assistance. USA.gov above allows you to easily find the links you need for your State Attorney General's Office.
3. Hire an expert witness ASAP to help you by providing expert notes, observations, recommendations, testing, ect. Make sure you talk to someone who has an extensive list of previous work. If you call around, you could find someone to take your case pro-bono or deferred if your income is low enough, and if you put pressure on your state attorney to have one in a custody case, they can usually get funds for an expert. Many times, they insist upon a Guardian Ad Litem, but unfortunately and frequently they are untrained and misinformed when it comes to dv, and victims can find themselves being victim blamed. An expert can provide the same/better info than a guardian ad litem, court investigator, and court psychologist combined, and the information they can provide the courts will be more accurate and dependable.
4. GET HELP! DV causes an variety of concerns for you mental & physical health. Be open and honest with frequent check-ins with both your family doctor & some kind of therapy. Individual & group therapy together can be extremely helpful, as well as meds, while healing from trauma. You more than likely have PTSD as well as other possible serious health consequences, such as a brain aneurysm if you endured being strangled. Churches often have programs/ groups that can help you navigate your healing process as well.
5. Research. Connect. Stand Up Against Violence. Contact the media. Use social media platforms to tell your story and encourage change.

Put your plan into action and get yourself (and your children) safe! TheHelpGuide.org has an amazing article on how to get safe. It's important to prepare yourself for complications that may arise. Unfortunately, the system isn't always supportive of victims. Don't let their ignorance stop you from getting justice. You ARE strong enough and it will be worth it. Building your village described above in my Resources For Victims Of Corruption will help ensure your rights aren't further violated:

Connect with your local DV shelter & victim assistance through the court.

GET AN ATTORNEY! Contact your local legal aid & contact your local Attorney Gerneral's Office to see what they offer to help victims of violence. The boxes above provide links for each state.

If you have children, I strongly encourage you to get an expert witness to work with you. If an attorney is provided for you, put the pressure on for them to cover this cost instead of a GAL. Many GALs aren't qualified to handle DV cases and victim blame. Read more about how an expert can help in my blog Expert Witnesses.

Get into counseling ASAP. They can help you in many ways as described in my blog Counseling For Survival.

If you do run into complications with victim blaming, document & record everything you can if your state allows you to legally do so, and use my links above to contact the media, do your research, and check out Me Too Moms.

You HAVE to get safe! You DESERVE to be happy and loved! File charges! Hide in a domestic violence shelter if you need to! You HAVE to reach out for help! You are not alone. The number for The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.

Chances are you are suffering from PTSD and other complications from enduring such trauma. It may not seem like it at the time, but you WILL heal & be happy again. It's important to get the therapy you need to deal with symptoms and to work through your trauma. If you have children, get them into therapy with someone qualified specifically for trauma from domestic violence ASAP. Maybe research and inquire about EMDR Therapy. 

The anxiety, depression & fear, will be very real as you begin your healing process. I began walking a much closer path with God through Jesus. Turning to the church for help saved my life. I started listening to nothing but Christian music, went to church, signed up for programs they had to learn more, and joined a counseling program they had. It's not easy, but it's important to not let yourself fall into that trap of isolation. FORCE yourself to surround yourself with good people and submerse yourself into that. I promise, it will be life changing.

I'm sure I'll blog about this soon and will include a link here when I do. Whatever you choose to do for your healing, I'm proud of you, and you're doing the right thing by leaving. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.